DO NOT LISTEN TO THE LIES

It’s all true, really.

Bob is here.

He knows.

He is.

Not dead.

Bob the Spider is currently assisting Jonas Kyratzes in the development of yet another pathetically pompous and pretentious game. Once he’s done with that, he will be back with a wonderful surprise for you all, and peaches for pigs.

Yes.

No.

What did Bob not invent?

Bob has invented many things. Coconuts, pizza, several varieties of cheese, Al Gore (on a bad day), freckles, the Smurfs, sauce, the concept of time (God just borrowed it for a while), decks, spatial dynamics, keys, cake, humpback whales, hunchbacked Welsh, the number seventy-four and three farts, nickles, knickers, wood, and commas.

He did not, however, invent Microsoft.

Or karaoke.

Or the Dutch.

The Truth about Harry

Did you know?

Perhaps you didn’t. But now you do. This is the power of Bob.

As for the French…

… Bob does not remember whether he invented them, too. He was a little drunk on that day.

If he did, he apologizes.

Where in the World is Bob the Spider?

Where is Bob the Spider?

It’s been a while without updates. Why is that? It’s because Bob the Spider is currently on vacation, looking for a location for his next secret base. Yes, dear reader, it’s true: Bob is expanding.

If your life is starting to become meaningless without Bob’s updates, rejoice, for soon there shall be more again, including wonderful photos taken by Bob’s personal assistant, Charles Darwin.

And remember to repeat this mantra to yourself: Bob is everywhere, even when he’s on vacation. Bob is everywhere, even when he’s on vacation. Bob is everywhere, even when he’s on vacation…

Nothing.

Bob the Spider is currently doing nothing. He is better at this than any other living being in the multiverse. In fact, he does nothing so well that most people would think he’s actually doing something, which would be wrong.

In fact, Bob invented nothingness. Before Bob, the space between the stars was filled with jam, and space travel was truly sticky business. Now it’s much better, thanks to Bob.

That’s why the people at NASA are secretly Bob worshippers, and keep a platinum shoe with his name inscribed on it in their ears at all times.