We have just hired Condomny Leery to be our chief Harold Bloom Defenestrator at Secret Lab III. He will, of course, not be paid for this job, but should he encounter the terrible beast, the defiler of all things literary that is Harold Bloom, and successfully defenestrate him, he shall be regarded as hero and saviour by all good citizens, and shall be given a delicious sandwich with bacon and cheese.
But what about you? How do you feel about your life? Are you missing, on some level, being part of something greater, like an arachnid horde? It’s a deep-seated need in all intelligent beings. Don’t be ashamed. Apply now. You too can become a henchman of Bob the Spider’s.
